4 Signs They Ended The Relationship Due To Their Own Issues

Sometimes it really isn't you

9 min readDec 14, 2022


Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

When someone breaks your heart and leaves your life, especially when you wanted the relationship to continue, it can leave you with many unanswered questions.

Did I do something wrong?

Was I a terrible girlfriend or boyfriend?

Am I lovable and capable of sustaining a long-term relationship?

When my ex blindsided me with a breakup, I had these thoughts and so many more unanswered questions. The biggest question I had was why?

Why did you break up with me, really?

I know the reasons he gave but I don’t buy or believe those reasons anymore. I know they are false. I know that after much reflection and the knitting back together of my fractured self-esteem; I am certain he ended the relationship because of his own issue or fears that had nothing to do with how I treated him or behaved in the relationship. He broke up with me because of his own internal struggles. He caused me pain and suffering because of his issues and not mine, although he tried to convince me I was a defective partner in the breakup ordeal.

Is it possible to know the real reason ever? I don’t think so. That would require an examination of his inner thoughts and feelings and the only person who can do that is him, a process I know he is unwilling to do, currently. Maybe one day he will, by which time he will totally be eclipsed from my mind by someone else (hopefully).

1. He blamed the entire relationship failure on me

He turned to me one night, accused me of my failings and then exited the relationship. He did not discuss the failings of our relationship, because well that would be more constructive and productive. No, he lay the blame solely at my feet.

Our entire breakup discussion was a list of charges he had concocted in his own head, which resulted in him deciding (unilaterally) that I was not a good partner nor a long-term possibility for him.

It was never a discussion around what we, as a couple had failed to do, and thus the relationship was now untenable as a result of our combined effort…




Lawyer by day, writer by night. Healing my heart word by word. I write about traumatic breakups, heartbreak and dating