How Do You Know You Are Dating A Dismissive Avoidant?

There were no clear signs he was

8 min readDec 4, 2022


Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

Honestly, there were no warning signs. I wish I could say there were and I choose to ignore them. There weren’t.

He was wonderful from the get-go. For the first three years of our relationship, I was happy and satisfied. I felt safe. He was everything I was looking for and I believed, strongly, that our relationship was wonderful. I smugly looked at other couples and thought we were rock solid in comparison.

Gosh, I have never been more wrong.

Everything felt so right in our relationship. We started dating and after three months were living together. I never felt uncertain or unsure of him or his place in my life. He was the textbook perfect guy. He was kind to animals, and waiters. He was lovely to my family and friends. He was committed to me and the relationship. He met my family after one week.

One week!

I met his two months later. I met his friends after about one month and he met mine. They all loved him, by the way. Adored him. Everyone I introduced him to said how lovely he was and it was clear that he adored and loved me.

No one had anything bad to say about him. There were no signs he could be cold, unkind and avoidant of all emotion and conflict.

I went to after-works drinks at his office about 6 months after we started dating. All his colleagues had wonderful things to say about him. They approached me, unsolicited, and praised him.

“He is calm.”

He is such an awesome guy.”

“He never gets angry.”

He was in a senior position and they clearly all held a deep admiration for him. I remember my heart swelling with pride and thinking, “he is my awesome guy.

When we started living together after three months there were no conflicts. We easily slipped into each other’s lives and created a happy home. After two years we planned to move overseas together and were looking for jobs and packing up our lives.

And then covid happened and our plans to travel stalled completely and we were forced to stay at home all day. And even then we suffered…




Lawyer by day, writer by night. Healing my heart word by word. I write about traumatic breakups, heartbreak and dating